White Winter Memories
by homesweethomicide13
Summary: Christmas is a time of joy and happiness, and celebrating with your loved ones. But not everyone feels up to celebrating... Part of the Christmas Challenge.


**Title:** White Winter Memories  
**Author:** homesweethomicide13  
**Rating:** T  
**Pairing:** Barda x Doom, minor pairings  
**Warning:** Shounen-ai? Maybe some bad language at the beginning.  
**Disclaimer:** Yeah, yeah. I don't own anything.  
**Summary:** Christmas is a time of joy and happiness, and celebrating with your loved ones. But not everyone feels up to celebrating…

**Author's Note: **Merry Christmas! This story is part of the festive Deltora Quest challenge. If you wish to add your story to this collection, please check out the Challenges thread on the DQ forums for more details!

**White Winter Memories**

_People were watching, staring at him as he made his way through the palace in an obvious rush. They were curious as to why a palace guard was in a hurry to be somewhere. Had there been some sort of attack? No, of course not. The bells would have been sounded otherwise, and the King would have been moved to a safe place._

_He ignored their stares as he raced down the hallways, completely forgetting where he was and that if his superiors saw him running he'd be disciplined badly. He didn't care. He had to get there – had to see if it was true. He darted past a guard with a certain badge sewn to his uniform and cringed. Fuck._

_"Young man, get back here!" He knew the voice – it had yelled after him many a time when he was still a boy in training. Since becoming a guard he would have stopped and gone over, as demanded, but right now he found himself slipping into his boyhood habits, ignoring the command and simply running faster._

_It couldn't be true. It just couldn't._

_He shot around a corner, ignoring the sound of running feet behind him. Surely the superior guard wasn't chasing him? It would look bad for his image, for a start, and he could hardly remember a time where the guard had run after him before. Panic seized his heart as he recalled the words spoken to him in whispered haste, only hours earlier. Could it be…?_

_He willed his legs to move faster. If someone – or some_thing_ – was chasing him, he had to lose it quickly. Luckily for him, when he turned the next corner he came face-to-face with his Chief, the man who had sent for him. Whatever was chasing him didn't turn the corner, and looking over his shoulder he couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. He looked back to his Chief, into the dark eyes he had memorized over the years, and instantly saw through his calm mask, spotting the grief and pain in his face. Without a word, he shoved past the Chief and stared down at the floor. Two nurses in stiff white uniforms were lifting a woman onto a stretcher._

_"No…" At one look at her face, he dropped to the floor, tears springing into his eyes. The Chief was suddenly at his side, one large hand on his shoulder. He was vaguely aware that he was being spoken to, but he didn't hear the words. All he could hear were the words this woman had said to him earlier, fear in her eyes. All he could see was his dead mother being lifted onto a stretcher to be removed from the hallway. He lifted his eyes and saw the stairs up ahead. They told him she'd fallen._

_He knew she'd been killed. He crawled forward and took her hand – it was starting to go cold. Shaking, tears flowing freely, he lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it, staring at her peaceful face. She was all he'd had left in this world. It had always been just the two of them, ever since he was a boy. Just him and her. And now, by some cruel hand, there was just _him_. The Chief was talking again, urging him to stand up. He bent forward, kissed his mother's forehead and stood up. Anger burned at the back of his mind, and vengeance crept into the corners, but he held it back. He couldn't get revenge now. He whispered a goodbye to the woman who had raised him, and took off through the palace at a sprint, leaving behind two shocked nurses and an even more shocked Chief._

_He had to get out of there. Had to. He knew he was next – his mother had been killed because of what she knew, and now they would come for him. It was pointless trying to talk to the King – he'd never met the man before, despite the fact that his mother had watched over him as a young Prince. And if he remembered correctly, his mother had already tried to tell him about what she knew, and he hadn't believed her. He felt a strange hatred rise up for the King, but quickly shook it off. It wasn't the King's fault, he knew that. He'd probably conversed with his chief advisor over the matter… _

_He stopped dead._

_Prandine._

_The slimy man had never been fond of his mother, although she had refused to admit that he hated her. Prandine believed she was in the way, conflicting with what he advised Endon to do. If Endon had told him what his old nursemaid had said to him, Prandine must have seen it as the perfect way to get rid of her. She was getting old – a grown son nearing his early twenties was a sign of that. A simply nudge in the wrong direction and she would be out of his way forever._

_His hands clenched into fists. Prandine was probably behind it all. He wondered if he should round up the friends he'd made amongst the guards and attack Prandine, but quickly dismissed the idea. There was no way they'd accomplish anything. He may have a lot of friends, but there were about thirty times that amount of guards, and all of them would attack at Prandine's command. All the advisor would have to do is accuse them of trying to assassinate the King, and they would have hundreds of angry men just waiting to rip them apart._

_No. If he was going to take Prandine down, he had to do it from the outside. A shiver of fear slid through him at the thought of leaving the palace. It had been the only home he'd known, and he didn't know what to find on the outside. His mother had told him wonderful stories about the city when he was younger, but he had never seen it. Like all people of the palace, climbing the high wall was forbidden. He'd often been tempted to try it just once, but he knew his mother would be disappointed with him. He never wanted to disappoint her._

_He was running even faster now. There were less people in the hallways, which meant that the feast had begun. That was good news – he could slip away without being noticed. The main doors in the Entrance Hall were not his best option, and so he turned into an unlit hallway, heading for the side door he knew was lurking somewhere beyond. In the darkness, he tripped and crashed to the ground. Footsteps sounded behind him, and he felt panic steal into his heart. He tried to scramble to his feet, but a boot landed on his back, forcing him back down to the ground._

_"Well, well, well. Look what we have here." He knew the voice – had memorized it. "It looks to me like someone was in a hurry to get somewhere." Now fear had replaced the panic. Was this it for him? "Where would you be going, brave guard Barda?" He hated that mocking voice so much. He turned and looked at the man beside him. That familiar face leant down and sneered at him. Barda would remember his next words for the rest of his life._

_"Mommy's dead. Are you next?"_

Barda bolted upright in bed, eyes wide and breathing erratic. His entire body was filmed with sweat, making the sheets stick to his legs. He took a moment to calm himself down, and ran a hand through his damp hair. It was just a dream. A dream that came back to haunt him every year. He took several deep breaths and was relieved when he could breathe normally again. He threw back the covers and swung his legs out of bed, pausing for a moment before trying to stand up. He knew from experience that his legs often trembled too much to hold his weight after that particular dream. He crossed to the window and pressed his forehead to the cool glass.

There was a thick blanket of snow on the ground, covering everything in the palace gardens. The trees, with their bare branches reaching up to the sky like forked fingers, had a littering of frost upon them. It was a sign that winter was in full swing. He closed his eyes to cut off the sight. It hadn't been winter back then, but he remembered walking with his mother in the snow, watching her smile and laugh as a tree dumped a load of snow down her back.

He forced back the tears he felt rising in his eyes. He would give anything for one last winter with her. A slight chill crept over his bare skin and he shivered, stepping away from the window. He found the shirt he'd been wearing the previous day and slipped it on, without doing up the buttons. His eyes caught sight of the tinsel Sharn had insisted on putting in his room and smiled. It had been a while since he'd celebrated Christmas properly. Lief and Jasmine were excited about it, having never really celebrated it at all.

He sighed when he realized that he was unlikely to get back to sleep, even if he wanted to. From the darkness of the sky he could tell that it was still rather late, meaning that no one else would be awake for a long time. Did he really want to sit alone for that long? Of course not. But who else would be awake? He smiled as a name jumped forward in his mind, and he buttoned up his shirt, heading for the door. He wouldn't be walking very far, and there were only the night guards awake, so it didn't matter what he looked like.

He found the correct door in the dark with ease. It was a well-travelled path, and he could swear that he'd even memorized certain cracks or bumps in the floor. He knocked upon the wood quietly, but loud enough for whoever was on the inside to hear. There was a long pause, and Barda sighed. Maybe he was asleep after all… The door swung open to reveal Doom, hair tangled around his face and eyes half lidded with sleep. He was wearing nothing but a pair of loose pants that rode low on his hips, one side slipping down even further than the other. He rubbed at his face tiredly and gazed up into Barda's face.

"Barda?" His voice was heavy with drowsiness. "What are you doing here?" Barda felt guilty – Doom had obviously been asleep.

"Sorry… I didn't mean to wake you." He muttered sheepishly. "But I had that dream again…" Without another word, Doom had grabbed the front of Barda's shirt and pulled him into his room, closing the door behind him.

"Should've said." He murmured groggily. "C'mon, come here…" Barda couldn't help but think Doom was so adorable when he was half asleep. He watched Doom slide into his bed and shuffle over as far as he could. Then he turned to Barda and patted the space beside him. Smiling, Barda removed his shirt and slipped into the bed next to him. Instantly Doom was curled up against him, one arm draped over his chest, head resting on his shoulder. "Exactly the same?"

"Yeah." He always came to Doom after that particular dream. The scarred man had told him to, for a start, but he also came because he knew that Doom would never turn him away. "It always is." Doom's hand came up to play with his hair, and he smiled. It wasn't a secret that the two of them were close, but no one would have expected them to be so gentle with each other. "I shouldn't have woken you up." Doom's fingers stopped fiddling with his hair and he was slapped gently on the chest.

"None of that." The scarred man muttered. "I don't care if you wake me up. I don't want you being alone." Barda grinned and linked his fingers with Doom's. "But… do you think you could get back to sleep?" Barda laughed quietly. He turned his head and kissed Doom's forehead softly.

"I can try." Even if he couldn't, he'd be perfectly fine so long as Doom was there beside him. Doom grinned and cuddled into him, shifting the covers up to cover them both. It wasn't long before he was asleep. Barda smiled and held Doom tight against him. He couldn't share Christmas with his mother this year, but he could share it with the one he loved the most.

*

When he woke later on that morning, he was alone in the bed. The covers had been thrown back on Doom's side, and there was a note on the pillow next to him. He read it and smiled.

_Didn't want to wake you up,  
__I'll see you in the kitchen later.  
__Doom._

He folded the note and set it down on the bedside table before getting out of bed. He yawned as he arched his back in a stretch and looked around for the shirt he had taken off earlier. He couldn't see it anywhere in the room, but he did spot a stack of folded clothes that Doom had obviously left there for him to find. Grinning, he walked over and put them on. He stopped in front of the mirror on Doom's wall and attempted to flatten his hair – but his efforts were in vain. Sighing, he gave up hope of getting it presentable and left the room, making his way towards the kitchen. People waved at him as he went past and he smiled as he returned the gesture. Every guard he walked past nodded their head and saluted, to which he grinned. Even out of uniform, he was still their chief and it was nice to know that they hadn't forgotten that.

When he opened the door to the kitchen he noted that he was one of the last to wake up. Jasmine and Marilen were in a deep discussion about something, sitting close together and talking quietly and very animatedly. Sharn was relaxing in her chair and sipping a cup of coffee. Ranesh was standing by one of the counters, his son cradled in one arm, and Doom was sat at the table with his back to the door.

"Morning Barda!" Sharn called brightly. Doom instantly turned around in his chair and shot Barda a grin. Marilen and Jasmine were still deep in conversation, but Ranesh turned and held up a hand in greeting. "Sleep well?" Doom's grin became a smirk, and he returned it easily.

"I did, actually, for the most part." He told her. He scanned the room again and realized someone was missing. "Where is Lief?" At the sound of his name, Jasmine turned and finally spotted Barda.

"He had to go down to the forge very quickly, but he'll be back soon." She explained with a smile. She noted what Barda was wearing and smirked. "Are those Doom's clothes?" Barda felt a blush spring to his cheeks, and Doom grinned again.

"Well I couldn't have him walking around in a scruffy shirt now, could I?" He laughed, and his eyes travelled over Barda, who was still standing in the doorway. "I must say, though… they look good." His eyes caught sight of something above Barda's head and he grinned before standing up. Without a word, he walked over and pulled Barda down for a kiss. When he broke it, Doom laughed quietly at the confused expression on Barda's face. They rarely – if ever – kissed in public. He didn't explain himself, but simply pointed upwards. Barda looked up at the all-too familiar plant above his head.

"Mistletoe." He muttered. How he hated that stuff. Growing up, a few persistent girls had actually _chased_ him with it in order to get a kiss. Plus, he always had terrible luck with it, and ended up standing beneath it with someone he _really_ didn't want to kiss. Like the time he'd been arguing with his rival, and they'd ended up getting rather physical. He'd shoved the boy into a doorframe, and someone had been kind to point out that they were both stood under the mistletoe hanging from it. That same someone had also reminded them that it was bad luck if they _didn't_ kiss.

He'd spent about three hours rinsing his mouth out after that.

"Couldn't resist the opportunity." Doom laughed. Barda rolled his eyes and went to step into the kitchen – and out from under the mistletoe, lest anyone choose to stand beside him – but stopped when he heard his name being called. He turned and saw Lief walking over with a grin on his face. The young King stopped in front of Barda – still out in the hall, he noted.

"Good morning, Barda." He said in a cheery voice. "Have you looked outside? There's snow everywhere! It's wonderful!" Barda couldn't help but smile. Lief, in all his years, hadn't seen snow until this winter. "I saw some children outside on the hill with sleds, and they looked like they were having so much fun. I was thinking that maybe we could…" He trailed off, and laughed. "Well, I'm going to at least. I haven't been sledding before."

"It's great fun." Barda told him. "Although we didn't have much of a slope in the gardens, we used to drag each other around on the sleds." He smiled as he remembered pulling his best friend along by a piece of rope attached to a makeshift sled. "We'd even have races."

"I can't wait to try it! I don't care if I'm too old, I'm the King, I'm allowed to do whatever I wish." Lief grinned, putting his hands on his hips in an attempt to look powerful. Barda reached out and ruffled Lief's hair, ruining the image completely.

"I am sure we will take a walk out into the snow, Lief." Sharn said with a smile. "But first you must eat something." She motioned for him to sit down at the table and he stepped into the doorway, his cloak catching on a bit of metal sticking out of the doorframe. He stopped, turned and looked, and sighed.

"Again? This happened earlier…" He tugged at the cloth, hoping it would detach itself from the metal. Barda rolled his eyes and leaned forward to do it himself. As he did so, Lief noticed the mistletoe hanging above them. "Oh no…" Barda unhooked the cloak and frowned.

"What?" As he saw Lief looking up, realization dawned on him. "You have got to be joking…" Doom grinned.

"You know, it's bad luck if you don't." Barda wanted to know why the scarred man seemed so amused and eager for him to kiss Lief. After all, whose bed had he shared last night? And who had kissed him only moments earlier? "Go on Lief, give him a quick one." Lief laughed and turned to Barda, who had backed up against the doorframe.

"Doom's right. I had to kiss Ranesh earlier." He laughed again. "That was certainly awkward, but we had a good joke about it, right Ranesh?"

"Yes, we did." Ranesh agreed with a smile. "Go on, Barda, it's only a harmless kiss." Everyone in the room was watching them now, and Barda sighed. He knew that from now on, he'd be walking through doors sideways. Taking a deep breath, he leant down and gave Lief a quick kiss. The moment it was over, he stepped into the kitchen and away from that cursed doorway. Lief laughed and followed him in, sending him a playful wink. Barda rolled his eyes with a smile and tugged Doom towards him for another kiss. He felt that he had to make up for his kiss with Lief.

*

Once Sharn was satisfied that everyone had been well fed, Lief ordered them all to go outside so he could sled down the hill like he'd seen the children do. Barda hesitated by the entrance doors, staring out at the snow-covered gardens with a hint of sadness in his eyes. He could picture his mother strolling beneath the trees by the gates, stopping to brush snow from her dress. Memories swam before his eyes – memories from his childhood, from when he was a boy to when he was almost a grown man.

"Barda?" Doom's voice broke through and the memories disappeared to the back of his mind again. The scarred man was standing on the snow-speckled path, holding out his hand. "Are you coming?" Barda noticed that snow had begun to fall lightly, landing in Doom's hair and resting delicately on his eyelashes. It made him look beautiful. Smiling, he slipped his hand into Doom's and stepped out onto the snow. Doom led him out onto the hill, where Lief and Jasmine were positioning themselves on sleds, preparing for a race. Ranesh stood between them with a piece of cloth, and when they were both ready, he signalled with it and they took off down the hill, laughing and grinning. Barda watched them with a smile.

He began to walk over to where Sharn was stood, watching Lief and Jasmine sliding down the hill. He was almost there when his foot stepped in a drift and he toppled over. He sat up in the snow with a scowl. Sharn was covering her mouth to hide a smile, Marilen was giggling quietly and Doom had a smirk on his face. He laughed and held out his hand.

"Need help?" Barda took Doom's hand, but he wasn't planning on getting up. With a sharp tug, he pulled Doom down on top of him. The scarred man stared at him in surprise before smiling and brushing his lips against Barda's. The chief deepened the kiss instantly, distracting Doom as he set about his initial plan. Doom gasped and pulled back sharply when something cold and wet slid down his back. He knelt up in the snow and shook his jacket and shirt frantically, watching as snow dropped out from the bottom. He turned back to Barda, who was grinning. "You sneaky little…" Doom grabbed a handful of snow and tossed it in Barda's face before jumping to his feet and running away. Barda leapt up, grabbing handfuls of snow before chasing after him.

Doom dodged flying snow as he ran, trying to gather up some of his own at the same time. It wasn't an easy process at all, and he ended up tripping over his own feet a lot. Barda was hot on his heels, and seemed to be a master of throwing, running and collecting more snow all at the same time. Doom guessed that he'd had snowball fights all the time as a kid. He scooped up snow from the bush he was darting past and turned, hurling it towards Barda. The big man dodged it easily and Doom was pelted with snow a few seconds later. He turned and tried to run away, but he was too slow. With a grin, Barda lunged forward and tackled the scarred man to the ground. Laughing, they both slid down the hill a little way before stopping. Doom looked up at Barda and smiled. They were both covered in snow and out of breath, and were most likely going to catch colds if they stayed there any longer, but neither of them cared.

"Barda…" Doom murmured. "I… I love you." Barda's eyes widened. Doom had never told him that before. There was a pink tinge to Doom's cheeks, which he found completely adorable. Smiling, he leant down and gave Doom the most passionate kiss he could manage. When they broke apart, he was grinning.

"I love you too, darling." He saw Doom's hand slowly gathering snow, and smirked. "I swear, if that snow goes anywhere near my pants, you're fishing it out again." A mischievous smirk crossed Doom's face. He leant up so that his lips were almost pressed against Barda's ear, and his voice came out sounding like a purr.

"Even more reason for me to put it down there."

* * *

_**Author's Note:** Alright, so I couldn't resist those last few lines... XD Hope you all enjoyed it! Oh, and if anyone can guess who says 'Mommy's dead...' at the end of Barda's dream, I'll write them a DQ one-shot of their creation :P It can be about anything :P You just have to guess right! It's not as easy as you think, either :P Mwaha. Oh, and sorry about the angst. It just happened XD_


End file.
